Comments on Stefan Molyneux and Free Domain Radio (FDR) Revealed: A defoo story

I have written quite a few times in the course of ...

2012-01-26T10:06:10.604-05:00

I have written quite a few times in the course of this blog that there are a lot of circumstances where young adults and parents reach states where there is a break. it is an unfortunate aspect of humanity. There is enormous tension at this stage. Parents want to protect their children but they know they have a duty to 'release' their kids to the world. The young adult wants the freedom but has apprehension about their future and loss of security. These dynamincs are volatile enough. In your case, the divorce makes it so much worse. In the course of time, family usually finds their way through the troubles and tumult. You are trying hard to navigate those waters in your family. For that, you have my admiration. You are doing the right thing. Keep at it gently and persistently.
Of course, Moly and Christina are constantly on the lookout for the chance to encourage family unrest. They want to retard any chance for a family to heal. They have the perfect solution. Break forever and be done with it. Find your true self. Be free. And be sure to make the monthly contribution.

Let me take advantage of your allowing anonymity a...

2012-01-26T02:16:36.980-05:00

Let me take advantage of your allowing anonymity and say more. This dafooing thing is very horrifying to me because I know that embittered sons and daughters do that in that age, guru or no guru. My parents had a bitter divorce when I was 18 and my sister 17 (Moly's favourite target age). My sister was so indoctrinated by my mother that she shut down for years all contact with my father, who had quickly remarried and had other kids. I was seen by my mom and sister as the one who "side with my father" because I wanted to maintain a relationship with everybody, even though my mom was always threatening to shun me (things got worse when I married - she got terribly jealous of my wife).

Somehow, for some crazy reason I was asked to "choose" either mom or dad. I tried to explain to my sister she didnt have to pick one, to no avail, until she changed her mind on her own and eventually reconciled with my dad, and I am always giving my mom the opportunity to come back and just have a normal relationship with us, without clinging to the past with bitterness.

So my family history is one of fighting dafoo. Not letting my sister do it, not giving my mom the excuse to do it to me. It was all very painful, because my mom treats my wife horribly, and has only seen her granddaughter once. But lets have perspective: who is suffering more? My mother hurt me emotionally, but he is my mother, for God's sake, and I know that she is the one who has more pain. My father got rather unavailable with his new family, but who should get more attention, the son in his 20s or the two small children? Aren't his two sons from a new wife my brothers? We don't see each other often, but I spent some time with him and his new family recently, and enjoyed a lot.

Bottomline is, can't we all just get along? Stop this dafooing thing? Try to find some good in everyone? Forgive, as we would like to be forgiven? If I say that family, like all human affairs, is a messy thing - is that wishfulthing, or plain realism?

My heart goes out to you, dude, that is all I can ...

2012-01-26T01:48:55.588-05:00

My heart goes out to you, dude, that is all I can say. Your story made a deep impression on me, and I will be thinking about it for some time.

By the way, I DID find the audios of the defoo podcasts (a reader of yours gave the tip in a comment to another post). I didn't have the patience to hear them entirely (not being a libertarian myself, I find Moly boring, no disrespect to libertarians intended) but I did notice something very interesting. He begins the podcast trashing people who "partly agree" with him, and says they are just doing it as a defense and out of fear (that's BEFORE the subject of family comes up). In his relaxed mode, he is actually saying he is angry and disapproving at those half-hearted fans. In the most friendly tone of voice he is telling the listeners to think like him in every single point! Or else they are suppressing their "true self", yadda yadda. "Suppressing their true self"... the echoes of L. Ron Hubbard and Gurdjieff abound. I am sure he studied those mad gurus - the fantasy is too similar to be a coincidence.

The discipline charges against the wife did cause ...

2012-01-25T22:45:27.725-05:00

The discipline charges against the wife did cause a big clean out of the site. That has to be a good thing. My son and I had endless discussions on objectivist and libertarian philsosphy. Once he got to college, he came to be better read than me and was filling me in. I specifically remember him telling me about Murray Rothbard. Yes I know, I should have known of Rothbard. Sorry.
When Moly was interviewing me by phone, my son walked into the room. He had a smile a mile wide. His two biggest heros were talking together. I commented about this to Moly and chuckled. Moly didn't. Little did I know that Moly was doing his due dilligence so he could use what I told him against me. He got me good. About six months later, my son defoo'ed. You really can't believe it could happen to anyone until it happens to you. And then you still can't believe it. Creepy is not a bad word to describe the whole FDR, Molyneux thing.

Why can't I find this "But my parents wer...

2012-01-25T20:46:19.002-05:00

Why can't I find this "But my parents were nice" video anywhere? Nor can I find a podcast on YouTube where he directly discusses the issue. Was everything pulled out because of the backlash, or those videos were only for the "initiated"?

I am very shocked to find out that even a Libertarian parent got defood. Usually the defooer's excuse is "I can't talk to those people to talk because we are so different"... That a parent who actually started his kid on Molyneux can still be a victim is utterly creepy.

Hi GTheMVP If you really want to see how depraved ...

2012-01-25T16:52:17.450-05:00

Hi GTheMVP
If you really want to see how depraved Molyneux can be pop across to QuestEon's site FDR Liberated. There are some really damning articles, especially the 'Splitting Question'
His disgusting speech or lecture if you prefer to a mere 17 year old young woman is quite appalling in my opinion.

"You might try to promote your interpretation...

2012-01-16T06:07:29.827-05:00

"You might try to promote your interpretation in the FDR chat room as a test of which of us has it right. Let us know what happens."

I'd love to hear that works out too.

Great site btw, I've been following Moly for some time, loved his piece on the failed state, was very captivating. My first red flag was his piece on metal health, it was very disturbing.

For a guy who slammed the Zeitgeist cult for never having "experts" on either side of a debate, this guy pulled a very controversial one sided piece, and then did again recently with a writer, another person completely unqualified to discuss mental health issues.

He recently started posting his call in shows onto youtube, which I never really downloaded/listended previously from his site. After catching a number of his call in shows, I was horrified to hear such an unqualified person give such damaging advice to impressionable young people, while aslo discussing their donations.

I can't believe how quick he is to break up a family, he has really creeped me out.

If you think that a defoo (which is an acronym for...

2012-01-07T14:54:00.831-05:00

If you think that a defoo (which is an acronym for DEparting yor Family of Origin), is about dealing with family problems in an honest and healthy way, then you have come up with an innovative interpretation of the term. Having said that, if your interpretation resulted in you dealing with your parents in a way that lead to a better relationship, I am happy for you. You might try to promote your interpretation in the FDR chat room as a test of which of us has it right. Let us know what happens.

In my mind the commenter who interprets a defoo do...

2012-01-07T14:41:21.102-05:00

In my mind the commenter who interprets a defoo does not mean cutting off relationships, does not realise what a full 'defoo' constitutes. For the benefit of that person this is what has happened in our situation.
All family, aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins have been cut off.
Even worse all siblings have been cut off.
Parents cut off.
In as far as we can tell all friends and acquaintances have been cut off.
We only recieved one tiny hand written note to inform us of the decision to leave with no proper explanation.
We know that donataions were made to Molyneux.
We know some of the podcasts that were listened to.
We know some of the dreadful comments that were made by Molyneux and other members of the site.
We know that there were no serious probelms in our relationship until fdr entered our lives.
We know that certain beliefs and career choices were altered after contact with fdr.
I trust this offers some clarification.

I think you're misunderstanding the point of d...

2012-01-04T09:59:19.413-05:00

I think you're misunderstanding the point of defooing. It does not mean you have to cut off from your family. It means you should have voluntary relationships and not feel obligated to be with someone just because they are family. Relationships should be a two way street and not contingent on manipulation. I have never heard Molyneux encourage anyone to leave a relationship that brings joy or pleasure. Defooing for me allowed my wife and I to set boundaries with our parents. We decided we were not going to let our families wreck our peace. This actually led to an improved relationship with our families, because the relationship has to be sustained by mutual pleasure and interests, not obligation and guilt.

My son "defooed" us Aug. 2010. Now he...

2011-12-20T17:18:24.926-05:00

My son "defooed" us Aug. 2010.
Now he's moved to New Hampshire apparently participating in the "Free State Project".
Molyneux is and evil, evil man.

Grieving, still Loving Mom

wow who is this molyneux guy? im sorry to say i th...

2011-10-28T04:50:11.619-04:00

wow who is this molyneux guy? im sorry to say i thought he was a good person. i got into this website because i saw one of his youtube videos and i got curious. i have more time watching videos online now that i am working online selling import and export goods. i really hope ur son comes to his senses.

I found this sight while I was in the middle of tr...

2011-08-24T11:44:24.780-04:00

I found this sight while I was in the middle of trying to find a way to get FDR on my Android phone. I heard him on a talk show the other day, found him to be funny and interesting, and I wanted to hear more. After reading this.. I'll stay away thankyouverymuch. Philosophy is great, but I cannot allow myself to be sucked into a show that promotes treating one's family like a used piece of garbage. I'm sorry that your family is going through this, and I hope that one day your son will be back. Yes. I have differences with my parents, some pretty deep differences, but I love them and am willing to put the differences aside when I visit and call them. If my daughter is philosophically 100% different from me when she grows up, I hope that she makes the same attempt to enjoy spending time with her father and I.

Thank you for visiting the site. In this blog, I a...

2011-07-19T10:00:14.593-04:00

Thank you for visiting the site. In this blog, I argue that Molyneux is willfully misleading, when he says he promotes therapy and open communications before anyone should defoo. I contend that he only offers that up for public consumption. But when the time comes, (as it is here for you), he promotes the thinking you offer in your comment (i.e. Why bother? You know how it will turn out if you communicate with your parents, Just do it and be free.). If you end up going forward with the defoo without engaging your mother in a serious and committed way, you will be helping to prove my point. On the other hand, if you truly engage and let your mother know that you are looking to break forever if the issues you have are not addressed, then you will prove me wrong.

You have nothing to lose by engaging your mother for dialogue and therapy (as Molyneux recommends). If that does not work, you have acted with integrity and courage. And while I think a defoo is too extreme, you will be on a stronger moral and emotional footing to make that decision to break. It is critical to keep this in mind. Your mother is not remotely equipped to understand this without your help. The idea of you breaking forever is not even imaginable to her. Make sure you commit to making her understand that a full break is very possible, even likely. If that and therapy does not work, the confidence you feel will be justified.

As to my relationship with my kids, you can read the post you are responding to "A Defoo Story" to know how great my relationship was with my son before he engaged with Molyneux. Perhaps my daughter will get around to offering her own comments in response to you along the way.

I'm defooing soon and I'm glad. I can imag...

2011-07-19T02:41:08.563-04:00

I'm defooing soon and I'm glad. I can imagine my mom going on a site like this and saying, "Molyneux hypnotized my child as well...he won't even discuss the matter with me. He just left without saying anything!" but that's because I'm confident.

So confident in my decision to separate that nothing needs to be discussed. The stories on this site are only one side. I'd be interested in hearing what your sons/daughters have to say about their relationship with you.

Hey, I think I left you a fairly pro Molyneux mess...

2011-06-30T17:20:24.890-04:00

Hey, I think I left you a fairly pro Molyneux message awhile ago, I have since examined him and reversed my stance. I am sorry that your relationship with your son was sacrificed because of him. He seems to ba$h anyone who offers any solution that doesn't include giving him money. I really started to see through him with attacks on Ron Paul. I first heard of him on the Alex Jones, and I thought he sounded sincere, but after, closer inspection I have become very skeptical of him. I don't fault him for taking donations, per se, but do think it is questionable how he tells people to ditch their families.

Interesting. Have linked to this post here: http:...

2010-07-20T19:54:32.968-04:00

Interesting. Have linked to this post here:

http://catastrophist.wordpress.com/2010/07/21/laughing-facebook-hacker-quotes-stefan-molyneux-against-me/

This post could easily be a fabrication, but let’s...

2010-06-12T13:14:44.785-04:00

This post could easily be a fabrication, but let’s pretend it is the truth. First of all, a defoo is rare in any event. That is why Moly and his wife engage in a broad based direct marketing effort via the web. They cast a wide net and hope to snag enough donators to scratch out a living. This post is taking issue with my hypothesis that Moly only ‘appeals’ to a certain kind of young adult that has been raised by loving and good parents. He offers an anecdotal story that he had crappy parents but hasn’t taken Moly’s advice to leave them and he doesn’t send money to FDR. The poster’s parents were inattentive and dismissive and he was not taught philosophy. In other words, he is providing an anecdotal example confirming that he does not fit the profile. He is also offering an anecdotal confirmation that if you don’t defoo, you don’t donate to FDR. However he does make a valid point that Moly can appeal to someone with his family background. But the appeal is only as a listener. If the post is true, I should be more specific with the hypothesis. To wit:

Moly can generally appeal to a wide range of people. However, his primary objective is a family break up so he can get a new account in the form of a reliable donator. He only successfully closes the sale with intelligent passionate young adults who were brought up in an emotionally secure, loving and intellectually curious environment that supported learning and open minded debate.

And why is it that I, a 20 year old male with an a...

2010-06-11T14:58:52.899-04:00

And why is it that I, a 20 year old male with an already shitty history with my parents, can listen to molyneaux for a couple years and neither 'defoo' or donate any money? My dad never talked to me about objectivism or any sort of philosophy. The most he ever did was throw pragmatism at me and call me a silly idealist. Still I have no intention of cutting off contact. My mother was depressed for my entire childhood, my brother and I were on the receiving end of her greif in less pleasant ways than kisses and hugs. We talk every day. So why are your children prone to leave you? People who join cults aren't full of happiness and self esteem.

feel free to send me a private email and I will re...

2010-03-10T10:15:45.926-05:00

feel free to send me a private email and I will respond. molyneuxrevealed at gmail.com

This sounds like what is happening to me. My chil...

2010-03-09T16:47:08.664-05:00

This sounds like what is happening to me. My child has been listening to Mr. Molyneux and seems to have begun to leave me. I find this information depressing, scary. Is there anything I can do?

There are some former FDR members, but I am not fa...

2009-10-23T16:21:43.077-04:00

There are some former FDR members, but I am not familiar with specific examples. Maybe someone else has an idea. August is pretty recent. I imagine you are going through the worst of it. The anger/pain/sadness doesn't stop, but it does subside. Moly is losing it a little. Your son will begin to see things more clearly in time.

Do you know if anyone who has defooed has ever lef...

2009-10-23T14:54:42.332-04:00

Do you know if anyone who has defooed has ever left the FDR cult and returned to their family? Our son defooed in Aug '09 and I'm looking for hope.

You are not alone. There are stories like this al...

2009-09-12T09:38:33.115-04:00

You are not alone. There are stories like this all over the world brought on by Molyneux. He is ill. Heartbreaking.